I have found nothing in the past few weeks to help on my search to being happy again. My son is still the only thing I live for. I turned 31 yesterday, and I have orange hair.
That was what I had figured out by my birthday. Now, a few days later, I have realized I am unhappy because of someone. Someone who isn’t really even in my life anymore. You know when you think you found the perfect guy…and then realize you got played. Yeah, that is what I am thinking only I’ve continued to be unhappy because I wanted to believe it was real. Why do we allow anyone else to have that much power over us? It can be a different person for each of us but at some point in your life you let a parent, a partner, or a friend decide who you were. Maybe it was just for a short time or its continued on for years, every situation is different, but I believe we’ve all been there. Lost sight of who we are because what made someone else happy (usually someone you love) was more important.
Basically, there is no happily ever after; dying your hair red because he likes red heads (which it is now but just because it won’t go white!), defending him for horrible things he said, trying to still be friends even though he never sees you…none of it is going to make it come back. He isn’t going to magically decide he wants to be with you when he obviously never really did. Why have I been holding onto something that I knew was never going to happen? There is hope and then there is wishful thinking; and really I only have myself to blame.
I’ve let myself be delusional, I have been unhappy because I thought only that one thing…that one person, could make me happy again. Not just happy but as if life was perfect in those few moments I was being played with singing, wine, and chocolate. I have to find away to let it all go, everything I’ve held onto for over a year needs out of my life forever. I’m making myself unhappy holding on to things that were never real, dwelling on them even when I didn’t think I was, forgetting to live life. That is one thing no one should ever have the ability to do to, take away who you are. I am the most important person in my life (besides my son!), and I deserve to be happy.
A Perspective On Life 