Mirage of Love and Death

Found some inspiration from A Dream Within a Dream by Edgar Allan Poe

I wish only that I was his!

Watching, waiting until ‘mes’ (my)

Life is something different from what it is

Sad do the days go by

Alone until the time Death comes and I shall die

Then will you remember me?

Maybe then I will be free

From your love that was never mine

If only there was a sign,

That I am wrong

And I hear our love as if it were a song.

I hold my breath under the sea

Until I see Death again coming for me

He grasps my hand;

Suddenly I am upon the land

Why me is it that he would save?

He answers ‘You I know, you who can be much more brave’

And then he walks away

But I am not ready to stay

Unless with me right here you will lay

How far you are across this desert I am banned

And from where I now stand

There is no hope for ‘us’

So letting go, I have learned through the many years, I must.

~Davina

A Poem based on the Minor Arcana

An Unexpected Journey

Time to move

Towards something I cannot yet see

Somewhere safe

Amid my strife

I cannot defeat

I try to find my own escape

Always watching…waiting

As my burdens are too hard to bear

Leaving me buried in the desert sand, my soul has gone

Burned away by a fire deep within

Rain falls

I feel someone now close by

I need for him to stay, but he is already gone

And all that is left, is the past

I dream of him

Until he fades away

Wishful thinking

Won’t bring him back

So I drown again as life moves on

And close my heart, afraid to feel again

The wind blows past

Carrying with it an uneasy calm

My heart still full of sorrow, I seek relief

But something else is there that will not leave

A prisoner of my own fears

I can no longer discern my dreams from reality

Now my mind has lost control

Pain is the only thing that reminds me I am alive

And so I cut myself

To see if I still bleed

I try to find my balance on the edge

To find a way out of my broken thoughts

I lean on those around me

That have been by my side this whole time

Steady and patient

Until I see my old self once again

I  come back to earth, and I have learned

Through all the misery and the pain

Someone was always there, even if unseen

 

A Poem Written for a Friend and His Grandmother

Maria (Italian) 

Ogni vita è un filo,
tessuto, misurato e tagliato,
La vita scorre come un fiume
fino alla Morte
che ha preso la sua anima
che è bella
come lo era lei
Tutto ciò che rimane
sono i ricordi del passato
Così triste e solo,
chiudi gli occhi
e lei è lì
sognala
così forte e dolce
e anche se la vita va avanti
lei non se ne andrà mai
Non dimenticarla
e amala sempre e per sempre

Maria (English)

Every life is a thread;
Woven, measured, and cut
As life flows like a river
Until Death
Who took her soul
That is as beautiful
As was she
And all that remains
Are memories of the past
So sad and alone
Close your eyes
And she is there
Dream of her
So strong and so sweet
And as life moves on
She will never leave
Forget her not
And love her always and forever…

 

The First Poem I Ever Wrote

I believe I feel like sharing this now even though my life story I plan to start sharing through September is about two weeks away…in its own way it is a poem version of how I saw my life from when I was young to when I finally wrote it down on paper last year.

The Arcana of My Life

Innocent and naïve, I once was

Until I saw the world

And what the future held for me because…

Insanity would claimed my mother for its own

While father vanished from my vision, and I knew not where he had gone

I prayed for God to save me, but realized soon he too had left me alone

Abandoned without love, I saw my own personal hell

Life moved on, as I stood still

Broken inside, but I could see that I hid it well

I withdrew into myself, weak and pale

Becoming blind to what was real

Dying felt easier than being alive, as I saw myself hanging from a rope, thin and frail

But Death would not take me yet

Fate was patient, but unkind

For all my sins and regrets, the Devil I did still owe a debt

Though I was not ready when he found his way inside my mind

Hope was fleeting, and I let go

Illusions and nightmares were all that I could now find

I look around my world, where the darkness has not yet won

And wonder what I would do to deserve what was to come

What price must I pay to live my next life out in the sun?

Broken Ceilings

(photo of where my son’s father broke into my apartment through the ceiling…one of many tragic events I was still working through when this happened…)

Broken Ceilings

I am isolated, I am alone,

Where my past brings back the terrors that come at night,

And I am a prisoner to the secrets of my own transgressions;

I live in the darkness,

Where the sun is reticent,

And naught of the existence I once had remains;

I can not find my way out of all the lies among the ruins,

Where I am blinded by delusions,

And the ceiling breaks, it’s caving in all around me;

I am a corpse, fragile, brittle, and weak,

Where my sacrifice was less than what fate would take,

And the murky watery graves are buried in the abyss beneath the surface;

I am lost, gone, ne’er to be seen again,

Where the burden I bear is too severe,

And my heart afflicted such that death is welcome, desirable;

Less to suffer, less to endure, less to sustain…in this life I am no longer living.